Don't Look for Your Soulmate - Be One

Before getting married, I thought I had to find the perfect person - my soulmate - to be happy and full-filled in my relationship. The happy couples around me just seemed to have found the right person - the one that truly makes them a better person and who completely understands them. This was what I thought true love was about - finding that one person, almost like in a movie. I was hoping to one day cross path with my "soulmate" and I thought I had when I met my wonderful husband. He almost seemed too perfect! I was happier than I had ever been, knowing that this man truly understands and accepts me. 

(Picture taken by my father in law in 2012 - 2 weeks before Daniel and I got married)

Looking back now I realize how naive I was when it came to relationships. I love my husband more than ever, but the idea of having this one true soulmate just seems really immature now - like something straight out of a Hollywood movie (and most things we see in movies are simply not realistic). The idea of finding that one perfect person does not only put an immense pressure on your partner, but also creates a very wrong image of what love, relationships, and marriage are truly about. 

Instead, try being a soulmate

Yes, you have heard right. Instead of looking for your soulmate, try being it for your sweetheart. Putting work and effort in being a good husband/wife will get you more than desperately waiting for your partner to magically be everything you have every wanted. You don't have to be perfect to do so - and that's the great things about it! No person is perfect, just like no relationship is ever perfect. What matters is that you thrive to make each other happy, and work on it every day (even, and especially, when it gets hard). 

Stop making your own happiness the responsibility of your partner

We tend to do this sometimes, even if we don't realize it. It does help knowing yourself, because the better you know, explore, and love your own character, the more love you can give. Accepting your partner for who he is, which is what we all really want, only truly works if you love yourself and know how to make yourself happy. 

Even though I don't really believe in soulmates anymore, I have to admit that Daniel is pretty close to being one for me. Not because he magically is everything I have ever wanted, but because we both equally care for each other, accept each other and try to make the best of our marriage. We work every day on being a good husband and wife for each other - even if we do it with little things like cooking his favorite meal, showing him that I think about him during the day, or giving him time for himself when he needs it. 

What are your thoughts on soulmates? Have your ideas about relationship and marriage changed over the years? If yes, how so?


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